but what if a vampire drank the blood of someone who was anemic like would they be seriously grossed out
“what the fuck is this”
“i have anemia”
“can you take something for that you…
before mum left for work she handed me this lemon and told me to make sure it doesn’t cause any mischief while she is out. i am to groom him twice a day and feed him every 3 hours. then we shall play boggle and i’ll let him win out of pity. he’ll notice the sparkle in my eyes and fall in love with me. i will be mesmerised by his beautiful zesty scent and fall in love with him. at the end of the day i will get down on one knee and confess my undying love for him and ask him for his hand in marriage. we are to be wed on the ides of april. our honeymoon will be wild and carnal.
i shall fall pregnant and 9 months later will give birth to a beautiful lemon daughter. i will name her clarissa. throughout her teen years she will face many challenges. no one will want to date her because she is a lemon. no one will invite her to their sweet 16 because she is a lemon. no girl wants to change in front of her in the PE change rooms because she is a lemon.
clarissa will eventually lose her fucking lemon mind and jump into a blender. i will be devastated by this. i will cry many tears. then, my lemon husband will leave me out of confusion and grief. he’ll find some foreign woman here on a visitor’s visa and fuck her brains out. he’ll then realise that the only human woman who has ever satisfied his citrus seeds is me, and he will come back to me. i will make him work to earn my respect again. we will make sweet sweet love under the orange tree in my backyard. he’ll tell me he loves me and i’ll tell him i love him, and then we’ll grow old together and sit on the porch every morning, watching the sun rise.what
self-encouragement. not quite there yet.
Everything you love is here
*Wakes up to see that it snowed/iced over night*
My best mate Ryan made the mistake of not locking his room at uni when he returned home for Christmas..
even the curtains oh my
I WAS ON THE TRAIN HOME FROM COLLEGE TODAY AND THIS CHAVVY GUY WAS SAT IN FRONT OF ME, IN HIS TRACKSUIT, LOOKING ALL BADASS WITH HIS DR. DRE BEATS HEADPHONES AROUND HIS NECK.
THE ENTIRE CARRIAGE WENT QUIET AND FROM THE HEADPHONES I JUST HEARD
yeahhhh it’s a party in the usa